Top 5 Worst Illustrations of ALL Time (let’s retire them)
One of the things that makes the life of a preacher challenging is the need for fresh illustrative material for every sermon every week. The preacher, in seeking to persuade men and women, is looking to teach the mind and challenge the will of every hearer. Stuck in the middle is the all important aspect of emotions. Preachers need fresh moving stories that impact the hearer at an emotional level. Sadly, there are a number of over-used illustrations that step beyond emotion to sentimentalism at best and cheesy at worst. I think it’s time we vote on the worst ones (some of which I have used but VERY long ago) and retire them once and for all. I will lay out the worst of the worst in the next two posts and you can vote for the worst ones. I promise I will never again use the ones we choose to retire. (Preachers and hearers are all welcome to participate.)
#1 The Toy Boat Story
This is where the little boy works to save a few pennies to buy the wood to make a boat but the boat runs away down some creek and the boy is heart broken. Then wandering the streets one summer day he sees the boat (apparently found) and goes into the store to reclaim what is his. Refused by the store owner, he gets a job in the store and over a series of weeks, earns the money to buy the boat back. Leaving the store with boat under arm he exclaims (drum roll please) “You are mine twice! Once because I made you and twice because I bought you.” Now the story teller can never leave the obvious analogy to the hearer. He must say in addition. “You know ladies and gentlemen, we are just like that toy boat . . . ” This one is way past its golden anniversary. Let’s buy it a gift and send it on its way.
#2 Footprints in the Sand
This is the dream sequence where the guy complains to God that while their life together was like a walk on the beach, there was only one set of footprints during the most difficult seasons. To which the Lord replies, “No my child . . . ” well you know the rest. While this story is actually moving, and reflects a biblical reality, its frequent—no constant—use in sermons, wall pictures, post cards, cross stitches, gift plates, etc. ad nauseum, has really diluted its already overly sentimental message. Frustration with its over use has led to knock offs, which contrast the message of personal responsibility such as ‘butt prints in the sand.” Google that if you want to read it. Kind of funny, all pretty over done. I vote we take this illustration and put it into hospice immediately.
Tune in next time for:
The kid on the bridge with his dad when the train comes.
The tellers at the bank who are learning to recognize counterfeit money etc.
Also you will get a chance to add your own retirement suggestions and vote for the absolute, ‘this one must go’ worst illustration, OK? This is good work. Let’s do it together and freshen up the pulpits of America.
PS, if you gonna comment in defense of these tired cheesy stories, . . . yeah, save your breath! 
Categorized as: From James, Ministry
May 15th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Buttprints! That’s FUNNY!
May 15th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Hey James, thanks for these. I am going to use them and I will make sure to give you the credit and say that I got them on your blog?
May 15th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I wish they both would go! If I only get to chose one, I’ll vote for the footprints in the sand. The boat story at least has the potential for a surprise ending.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
I’ve actually not heard the first one, but the second one and the boy with the train – I’ve heard those a ton! I think it would be good to add a warning to pastors. E-mail forwards are ALREADY overused illustrations. Everyone in your congregation has already received it twice. Look for something new.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I don’t even have to see the next 2. Footprints needs a dirtnap in a bad way. I’ll personally bring the shovel.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
James, I know you hated the one about the toy boat… You crack me up, man.
Your friend in St. Louis
May 15th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Funny stuff James! What a great topic. I have used them all…more than once…even butt prints in the sand. I eagerly await the next posts. And what of Frodo bearing the ring? Terrible illustraton of Christ. Maybe we need a little poll reagrding the over use of 101 Hot Youth Illustrations?
May 15th, 2009 at 5:33 pm
What about the pulpits of Canada? They need refreshing too!
May 15th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I actually think the ‘footprints’ illustration is not quite Biblical. If we are totally depraved, as Romans clearly shows, and God is the one that has saved us and claimed us as His own – then ANY thing we do should be done in and through Him…and not of ourselves (regardless of good times or hard times). It is my prayer, to go along with the worn-out story, that there would only be one set of footprints throughout the entirety of my Christian life — I need Christ and His work in and through me…I must continue to die to self and find my life in Him.
May 15th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
The footprints in the sand one has most definitely got to go. It has gone from moving, to touching, to okay, to absolutely annoying. I can’t way to hear the other ones next time.
May 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Those two are certainly are bad. I can’t think of any others being worse, then again I don’t speak much. The footprints in the sand came up not long ago on a trip I took to see my sister out Colorado. We visited the Great Sand Dune National Park (Yeah, I didn’t know there where any dunes in Colorado either until that trip). We decided that the guy should have been dreaming there instead of a flat old beach, unless of course he was on the beach on Lake Michigan with those huge dunes. But then I suppose it wouldn’t be footprints, but rather foot/hand/knee prints. And that just doesn’t flow in a poem.
May 15th, 2009 at 11:25 pm
Footprints retired!?!?
Never!
Rather I am considering updating it to reach our postmodern culture. How about Carbon Footprints In The Sand? (sarcasm intended)
Thanks James!
Biscottiman
May 16th, 2009 at 12:03 am
Whoa, that toy boat story is powerful! I never heard that before. I am using that Sunday, prefacing it by saying, “I heard a great illustration from James MacDonald about a toy boat…”
May 16th, 2009 at 10:03 am
Thanks so much for the illustration. The first one fits perfectly for this Sunday’s message Lord’s Supper message.
May 16th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Yes, I’ve come to terms with some of the cheesy stuff I’ve used in the past too, and I’m afraid to admit, even the recent past. Things meant to stir the heart through sentimentality but rarely bring deep conviction (something only the Holy Spirit does through the preaching of truth — God’s Word!) Tons of people walk away from churches with warm fuzzies all entertained but they don’t walk away deeply convicted and changed. We have to ask ourselves, what’s more important to us, what people think of our performance in the pulpit or whether they’ve got a grander view of God, a soberness of their sinful self, and the need for grace to grant them life in the fullest sense (Jn 10:10). This doesn’t mean we do a pendulum swing and abandon illustrations with a punch, but let’s leave the cutesy stuff behind so that the inherent power of the Word will accomplish its purpose with saving and transforming power.
May 16th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Pastor MacDonald
I just want to leave a message in support of what you are doing through the ministry God has given to you. I became a listener of yours in 2008 and have since subscribed to your podcast so I can listen to your messages anytime. I find your teaching to be very insightful, encouraging, and always filled with truth. The Lord has blessed you to take a concept from scripture that may be only two verses long and expond it to so that the simple verse we once thought to be a nice thought becomes a way of life in Christ Jesus. Thank you for listening to the voice of God. Your brother in Christ,Pastor David
May 16th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
The boy on the bridge with his dad, I’m pretty sure Harvest Naperville used this clip on Good Friday. If it’s the same one you’re talking about, it was a really powerful illustration of sacrifice, actually. Footprints on the other hand…kill it.
ha ha, got to call Ron to find out re that. Are you a real person? Got to actuall meet you some time.
james
May 17th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
how about the tired “theological” explanation of the Trinity as ice, water, and steam?
May 17th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Oh no! I have the footprints story hanging up in my hallway. Should I take it down if it gets retired?
It was my grandma’s and kind of sentimental, so I will keep it.
I have to agree with what another person said – any email forwards should be off limits. I have heard many pastors try to use those. The only people who are moved/laugh are the elderly folk who don’t use a computer.
God bless you, Pastor James!
May 17th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
What about the little mouse that fell into the bucket of cream? That little guy kicked and persevered until he churned that cream into butter and climbed right out! Powerful, inspiring stuff.
ha ha, actually it was a frog, and there were two of them, only one drown, where have you been? COME ON DAN
james
May 17th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Ack, definitely overused Footprints. But ha ha, that buttprints thing is pretty funny.
Yeah… send it on its way….
May 17th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
Hey Brother James, Oh how I do agree! The Lord drew me to your teachings on ‘Walk In The Word’, because it was just that, a straight talk walk that let’s Gods Word speak for itself! I welcome the correction God gives through your teaching without all the side track stories. They are often ‘cute’, but nothin’ brings correction like a good whuppin from the Lord! Now the spelling on that one may be off, but was a phrase I heard often from my Grandmother. God bless you and your family and may He strengthen you and use you to continue to spread His love and truth!
May 18th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
How have I *never* heard the toy boat illustration? 25 years in church, and I feel robbed! *ROBBED*, I tell you!
I’m going to nominate one of my own. True, it’s more of a joke than an illustration, but it’s told to prove a point, which you will realize after reading the illustration. I can’t find it online, but I’ve heard it multiple times from multiple preachers, so I’ll try to make it short and as accurate as possible.
Johnny’s teacher declared one day that there was no God and that it was stupid to believe in God. Johnny protested.
“Have you ever seen God? Tasted God? Touched God? Audibly Heard God?”
Johnny, of course, answered “No” to all of those questions.
“Therefore, that proves that God does not exist!” the teacher proclaimed.
But Johnny had questions for his teacher.
“You have a brain, right?” he asked. “Have you ever seen your brain? Tasted your brain? Touched your brain? Heard your brain?”
The teacher said she had not to all of the questions.
“Well, then,” Johnny said. “You must not have a brain.”
Then the congregation laughs as if they’ve never heard this before, but I can’t see *how* they couldn’t have ever heard it before, because my preacher has used it multiple times in the past year.
Also, in general, I’d be happy if we could just retire any comparisons to fatih in God with believing in wind. You’ve all heard it: “We can’t see God, but we see his work around us! It’s just like the wind! You can’t see the wind, but you can see it bend a tree, blow some leaves down a sidewalk and whip the water onto the shore! Amen!”
May 19th, 2009 at 6:14 am
[...] Top 5 Worst Illustrations of ALL Time (let’s retire them) [...]
May 19th, 2009 at 10:27 am
can we also get guys to quit showing the “red pill/blue pill” clip from the matrix?
May 19th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
I say we let ‘em go!
May 19th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I agree! The footprint thing has to go, never did like that one. I agree with Jen, I need Christ to carry me all the time not just when I think it is hard.
May 19th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
You gotta do the one about the birds flying into the window, and if you could become a bird you could show them the way. So many speakers have had these same birds!
May 19th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
Ya’ll are too funny on here! Hahahaha! Amber, don’t worry. I feel robbed about the boat story too. I’m a PK, so pretty much all of them can be retired, but dude….the “footprints/sand” story? That ones a keeper right? How else are schemers gonna make money or how are preachers gonna get their parishioners to remember them (self-glorification) if they don’t have the sad story of the footprints? As Caesar would do – fist out, thumb to the side annnnnnnnnnnnnnd thumbs down.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Let the Youth pastors keep using these. But none of these should be delivered to an audience with people over age 21, even if they haven’t heard them. It’s just too much cheese even if you’re like me, from Wisconsin.
May 21st, 2009 at 4:30 am
Here’s another one I’d like us to retire…I’ll only use the “punch line.”
“Where is your umbrellas?!?”
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:01 am
Can I nominate the story of a man walking on a mountain when he falls over a cliff and grabs a little branch. Then calls out for help, God answers and tells him to let go. Then he asks if there is anyone else up there?
May 24th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I’m a little tired of the “first you have to put the big rocks in” thing. As the philosopher said = there is nothing new under the sun. Not even stories and illustrations. I think Jesus did them all, we’re just trying to copy or one-up him.
Jane:
It was Solomon who said, ‘there is nothing new under the sun.”
james
May 27th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Dear Pastor James:
First, I want to wish you and Kathy a restful and refreshing sabbatical. Also, am praying for your Mom. I am traveling to see my Mom in July as she was in the hospital this past April. It’s important to spend whatever time we have with our Moms.
Next, I have another anecdote I heard on the radio today and nearly gacked. I don’t know why except whenever a story is supposed to be an allegory or representation of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and our relationship with Him, so many stories fall so short.
Here’s the story: A man and a son were driving in a car with the windows down and a bee flew in and kept buzzing around inside the car frightening the boy. All of a sudden the father grabbed the bee and held it in his hand just long enough for the bee to sting the father. (Now the teachable moment), the son was relieved because the father explained that by being stung by the bee it renedered it harmless as the stinger was in the father’s hand. And that’s what is means when Jesus took the “sting” of death on our behalf, so now we’re safe. I wish I didn’t want to gack on that one, but I did. I hate that analogy because it really is so lame and trite when we really think about what Paul had in mind when he said “death where is your sting?” Am I wrong?
Connie
May 28th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
WE ARE ALL ON DIFFERENT LEVELS SOME IN 1ST GRADE SOME IN HIGH SCHOOL , I WORK PART TIME WITH SPECIAL ED KIDS AND THEY LOVE THESE ILLLUSTRATIONS SO WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE, WE MUST ASK THE HOLY SPIRT TO MOVE IN OUR LIVES AND IN OUR CONVERSATIONS , WATCH OUR ATTITUDES AND OUR TONGUE, SO HELP US GOD
- CHRISTINE
July 11th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
FOOTPRINTS…A New Version
Google “Footprints in the Sand New Version
I have used the counterfeit money illustration too many times in stressing the importance of studying God’s Word. I am over it, though.
Thanks for this very important work. The future of precherdom/teacherdom will be better for it.
PS Please plant a church in Orlando. I’ll help!
Janice