Letter to a Grieving Friend
More than 12 years ago now I awoke on a Saturday morning deeply burdened for a woman in our church who had lost her mother that week. I remember sitting in bed and typing a letter to her on my laptop. Later that day I dropped it off and heard subsequently that it brought her some encouragement. I never dreamed that her husband would become an elder in our church or that as a couple they would become some of our closest friends. I just wanted to comfort her. I stumbled across this letter looking for something in my computer files. Maybe in God’s timing you are in need of comfort. Or maybe you can use some of these words to write your own letter to someone you know who has lost someone they love deeply.
Dear ( . . .) :
Today is the day of your mother’s funeral. Sunny and bright, crisp and cool, as good as it gets in Chicago in November. When I woke up this morning my thoughts and prayers turned to you and I wanted to jot you a note of encouragement. I know you loved your mother very much and she knew it too. You were a faithful daughter during her final days, caring for her in every way possible, all that a mother hopes her daughter will be.
Your mother is having a day that is very different than yours. As you put on your black dress this morning remember that your mom is dressed in white (Rev. 19:14). As you shed tears of sorrow and separation, remember that your mother is shedding tears of joy. As you think and reflect and ask the questions we all struggle with, remember that all your mom’s questions are gone (1Cor. 13:12). As you stand by the casket and drive to the cemetery, remember that your mother is not here. She is in heaven with Christ. She is not watching her funeral, she is not thinking about death, she is more alive than she has ever been before. She has shed the pain and sorrow of this world forever. Just think!
A little bit more about your mom’s new home. It is big. The Bible says that just the heavenly city is 1500 miles high and wide and deep (Rev. 21:16). It is beautiful; everything around her is splashed with a display of gold and jewels that will make her mouth drop open and her eyes as wide as a little girl on Christmas morning. The Bible says that she has her own mansion and is probably getting the grand tour as you’re reading this (John 14:2). She loves her new role in heaven. She is part of a heavenly symphony where everyone does what they were created to do. Like the final piece in a puzzle, she fits, she is finally doing exactly what Almighty God created her to do. She’s really good at it and that feels so good. She is not a newcomer; not a stranger like a new kid in an old neighborhood. They knew she was coming and were excited to welcome her. She is known and loved and understood and cared for as only Jesus can guarantee (John 14:3).
Your Mom is happy . . . really, really happy, with a bliss beyond what our human minds can comprehend. God’s word says that our eyes have never seen and our ears have never heard . . . no one has ever even thought of the surprises your mother is discovering right now (1Cor.2:9)!
Your day will be hard. So many people to greet, so many thoughts racing through your mind; your husband, your daughters, your brothers, your dad. I don’t know if your Mom will think of earth today, but if she does she will think of you! You’re the human reason she is in heaven today, and she’ll want to say thanks:
Thanks . . . for having the courage to tell me the truth, even when I didn’t want to hear it.
Thanks for helping me see that religion and good works were not going to get me to heaven.
Thanks for showing me that I had to choose Jesus as my only hope of eternal life.
Thanks for opening the Bible and challenging me to turn from my sin and receive Jesus as my Savior.
Thanks for praying for me, and then with me, as I was born again. What more could a mother ask?
“Neither is there salvation in any other, for their is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved” (Acts 4:12).
“Do not marvel that I said to you, you must be born again” (John 3:7).
Some day you’ll meet your Mom again . . . and she will hug you like you’ve never been hugged before. May we all be as faithful to our parents and loved ones as you were to your Mom, and may you discover the truth of the Apostle Paul’s words, “Yes we sorrow, but not as those who have no hope” (1Thess 4:13).
Much love to you and your family,
Pastor James
Categorized as: Christian Life, From James, Heaven
March 5th, 2009 at 9:03 am
James,
Thanks for this post. Pieces of it will come in VERY handy for my Grandmother.
God Bless You!
You & your Family are in our prayers throughout your trials & continued ministry……….
Kevin
March 5th, 2009 at 10:10 am
What godly comfort this offers. Spoken from the heart of a true pastor.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:14 am
James,
Beautiful letter that gets ME excited about going home to be with the Lord. “To live is Christ and to die is gain” and that should excite us so much more than it does. Our time here is so short and our time in Paradise is forever. Why don’t we get excited!!! Thanks for getting met to “Set my mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth”(Col 3:2) today.
We will continue to pray for Christ to be glorified through your physical trial right now!!!
Dave
March 5th, 2009 at 10:16 am
James – thank you so much for this – it is beautiful. I am going to print it and keep it for future use I am sure (don’t worry – I will give you (and God) full credit!!
There is something that troubles me though. I know the bible says that to be absent from the body is to be present with Christ. And of course we know that when Christ was crucified he told the repentant thief that “today you will be with me in heaven”. Here is where I am confused. In 1 Thes 4:16 it speaks of Jesus coming down from heaven. It says that “the dead in Christ will rise first”. If we go to heaven as soon as we die – why does 1Thes tell us the dead in Christ rise first? As I studied my MacArthur commentary – it speaks of being present with God at death as being a conscious presence but not physical. And we will receive our glorifed (physical) bodies at the judgement. But it still confuses me – is there any guidance or clarification you can provide?
Theresa:
What you read in the MacArthur commentary is what I believe. At death your body goes into the ground, and your saved soul goes to be with the Lord. At the rapture our bodies are ‘raised incorruptible’ meaning they are ressurection bodies that are reunited with our souls. We will be as Jesus was before he ascended. It is not a physical body but a spiritual one the details of this are not clear. Thanks for writing,
james
March 5th, 2009 at 10:20 am
James,
Thanks for this. I wonder though what the letter would look like when the loved one who died never made a clear profession of faith in Christ. Whether it is clear that the person has rejected Jesus or just unknown, how do we comfort someone who has to wrestle with the possibility that a loved one is going to spend the rest of eternity separated from God?
Dave
March 5th, 2009 at 10:31 am
What a blessing this was to me today!
March 5th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Thanks James, we lost my father-in-law a few weeks ago. This was a comfort to me. Bill and I continue to lift you and Kathy before the Lord. May He be praised. Lori
March 5th, 2009 at 10:49 am
James, I became a Christian as my Dad was exiting this world into the awesome eternal one. God’s timing is perfect and just when Dad was dying HBC-Davenport came to our little town. I was loved on and surrounded by God’s people. A people that I had shunned and made fun of for being weak my entire life. Little did I realize then the strength that is takes to walk this life and the strength that is only found in Him.
Thanks for sharing this beautiful letter. I am going to pretend that you wrote it to me.
May God bless you and Kathy today. I pray for you all the time!
You are Loved
Kathy Cornish
March 5th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Dear Pastor James -
What beautiful words of comfort – universally true for believers. I’m going to save it because I know sooner or later, I will need this reminder – for myself or someone else.
I live in Chapel Hill, NC – listen to you many mornings on WPTF. You have ministered to my heart so often. I was born in Chicago in 1950 and probably feel a kinship on that level also.
I am so sorry to learn of your physical trial – praying for your total healing and restoration. May you respond quickly to the treatment; without adverse effects. May all blessings and peace and especially His grace be upon you and your family.
March 5th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Thanks so much for sharing this. I lost a very good- life long friend last week. Her daughters and son will appreciate you thoughts and vision of where their mother is. Mrs Sadie was 92 years “young” and a real blessing to me and our church family. Just before she passed she looked around the room and said “I love all of you but I am ready to go home now” and home is where she is.
I continue to pray for you and your family. God is Good and He is good all them time. Bless you. Judy
March 5th, 2009 at 11:26 am
James,
Phenominal letter! As an emergency department nurse for 15 years, I have seen more than a few people die. After all this time, I still do not know what to say to the people who loved them. This will be helpful for a small group of them, but what can you say to the families with little or no hope for such a good eternity. The worst injury I have ever seen; is a broken heart. For unsaved people there is not the balm of the Word to cover their wounds. Any suggestions? Dennis
March 5th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I think this is what is missing from a lot of leaders of our churches today, me included…. A pastor who truly grieves for his people and then takes the steps to minister to them and to encourage them with God’s Word and the heart of a Shepard who has a wounded sheep. I thank God for you and for Harvest and how many people have entered the Kingdom of God through your faithfulness.
I have learned a great deal from this post; in putting the Holy Spirits prompting into action. It is not enough to be sorrowful or prayerful at times, but to “act” upon the prompting of the Holy Spirit……
P.S. Our leadership lifts you and your family up in prayer often
March 5th, 2009 at 11:37 am
James,
This was great and I will share it!
Michael
March 5th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Pastor James,
I have many times started a letter to my family and friends that they could read if I were to die. Most of them are unsaved, including parents. I’ve always wanted to assure them that I have gone home, and get that one last chance to share the gospel with them! Now I know how. This was a beautiful letter, and I’m so grateful that you shared it.
Much love,
e
March 5th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
Pastor James, you have raised my gaze today with this uplifting post (pun intended)! We lost my husband’s younger brother less than a year ago. His birthday is tomorrow. Same age as you. Sometimes the grief of his loss still leaves us breathless. What a joy to be reminded he is free of pain and sorrow and we will see him again in the presence of the Lord. Glory to God!
March 5th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Dear Pastor James,
The flowers from Friday’s service are still adorning my living room. Thank you for sharing a beautiful letter. God has used it once again to bring comfort.
I knew this trial would soon be coming as my mom’s heart and body were growing weary. I remember well our last hug, never dreaming it could be quite some time before the next one. I now look forward to the day she will “hug me like I’ve never been hugged before”.
I can’t tell you how much we’ve enjoyed and appreciated having you here in Riverside. Thank you for being faithful in using the gifts God has given you. We have truly been blessed!
You are love by so many,
Cindy
March 6th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Hello Pastor James,
Today my good friend will be at her father’s funeral. My friend has just recently come to know the Lord as her Savior. Her father had become estranged to her family due to an extramarital relationship. His illness brought the family back together in the last few weeks and he even agreed to speak with a priest (the family is Catholic). My friend opened up to him about needing the Lord and athough he listened to her intently, she doesn’t know for sure where his heart was when he died suddenly, earlier this week.
I too am wanting to give my friend a note of encouragment. When we don’t know the heart of the who has died, what words can we give our friends and loved ones?
Thank you Pastor James. You are in our prayers.
March 6th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Thank you for those beautiful words of encouragement. Speaking of encouragement, I prayed this week you would find encouragement. How are you doing?
P.S. I’m so done with living on enemy territory as we do, day in and day out …yet I know that there are many to reach for Christ and that keeps me fired up.
As someone once said…hmmm, whom could that be??…we’re pitching our tent one day closer to eternity.
Defiantly Joyfully Pitching,
Susan
Jacksonville, FL
March 7th, 2009 at 12:08 am
Blessed Brother,
I had just finished looking through this letter (per a link from Challies’ site) when an email came in from a new friend asking for Biblical advice to share with her Aunt who had just lost her husband this eve. How providential. Glad you are one of God’s conduits of mercy… keep on doing His thing!
Randy
March 7th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
James,
I appreciate the comfort that you bring to those who have lost a loved one. However, you made a comment that I find very troublesome. You declared that our resurrected body will not be physical!? What? Though our resurrected bodies will be immortal, incorruptible, and imperishable, they will will be just as physical as they are now (1 Cor 15). Isn’t our ultimate hope as Christians is to be resurrected from the grave, rather than spending eternity in heaven with Jesus, as disembodied spirits. As disembodied spirits we will still be longing for our physical body (2 Cor 5). Only upon resurrection will we be authentically human; in perfect relationship to God, others, and creation.
Jeff
Jeff:
I do not believe our ressurection bodies will be physical in the same way they are today. Theologians refer to them as -’immaterial/material. This is somthing that is not clearly taught in the Scriptures. We know that Jesus was physical in his ressurection body in that they were invited to ‘feel’ his nail pierced hands and side. Yet Jesus was able to be transported in an immaterial way, appearing and disappearing etc. Thanks for writing, you have helped me clarify what I meant.
james
March 7th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
James-
That is a fantastic letter,and puts things in such a perfect perspective.
It encouraged me as I thought of my son Christopher being in heaven today.
Well done.
Greg
March 9th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
This helped me today to put things in perspective with Jedaiah’s home going. I am looking forward to Heaven with anticipation.
Thanks,
Jensine
March 10th, 2009 at 11:27 am
*big wet sniffle*
What a beautiful letter of encouragement. May I print it and send it to my grandpa?
Lisa:
Yes, use it any way you can!
james
March 10th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
God has truly blessed you with the gift of being a good shepherd! I want you to know that you are loved and that I am praying for you and your family. I had to say good-bye to my Mom 4 years ago and could relate to so many things in your letter. God was so faithful. I grew spiritually more during this time than at any other time in my life but only by surrendering to His Will, by letting go and trusting Him. When I said good-bye to Mom I asked, “are you going to be with Jesus now?” Her response will be a comfort to me forever. Almost before I got the words out of my mouth she gasped and shook her head yes in such excitement! The day after she left this earth I was up early (alone) when God showed me my Mom running and twirling like a little girl, free of pain, happy as could be. My daughter in law, who is a beautiful young christian woman, (and an artist), told me that when Mom took her last breath she had a vision of two people walking away from us walking hand in hand…One was Jesus, and then she saw Mom look over her shoulder as if to say, “I’m ok Jesus is leading me home,” and as we sat quietly in the moments after she took her last breath our Christmas clock rang out “Silent Night, (sleep in Heavenly peace)!” I could go on. God blessed me to the point of being overwhelmed by His Love. When you have a God that is soooooooo faithful how can we ever think twice about being faithful in return?
March 13th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
What a wonderful and truly encouraging letter! So many words of comfort directly riven from The Word of God. Anyone who is God’s child and reads this cannot help but think, “Why are we then so afraid of dying? What is it that is keeping us longing to live on this earth longer than what is ordained by God?” After all, this earth is not our home. We need to keep our sites on our eternal home. Thank you for making this more clear to all of us! May God continue to bless you and your family in this ministry. And may His healing Hand be upon you during this difficult time in your life.
God Bless.
March 15th, 2009 at 1:00 am
Pastor James i am up in schroon lake ny my Mom died last april, and she was a wonderful believer, i miss her very much. thank you for the letter, it was a comfort, her death has helped me see Jesus and real forgiveness, i am so greatful for the Lord in my life. your ministry has also helped my daily walk i thank God for you guys, im praying for you to stay faithful!!!! hope we can start a satilite church in schroon lake soon you have a following here too!! love in Christ! paul
March 16th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Pastor James, I just returned from visiting my husband’s grave at the cemetery. He went home to be with the Lord at the age of 55 after a faith-filled battle with sarcoma cancer. We were very much in love until the day he died and I miss him so much I ache for him. What comfort your letter brought me today-I cannot wait to share it with my three wonderful sons and their wives. Your radio ministry encouraged me in so many ways during the 5 years of his illness and I know he is rejoicing with the Lord as I write this note. I look forward to the day when we will be reunited and spend eternity praising and worshipping Jesus!! God bless you for your ministry-I will be praying for your healing-nothing is impossible for God!!! PS My husband and I attended your school bus tour in Clifton Park, New York a few years ago-what a blessing!!
Peg O’Donnell
March 16th, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Dear Pastor James,
I just returned from visiting my husband’s grave (he went home to be with the Lord 7 months ago, at the age of 55 years old after a faith-filled battle with sarcoma cancer). As I left the cemetary I prayed that the Lord would help me through this difficult time. As only God could do, He prompted me to go to your website where I found your letter to a grieving friend. How I was blessed by that letter and I look forward to sharing it with my three wonderful sons and their wives. I loved my husband with all my heart and I ache for him as I miss him so much. We were married for thirty-three years and our our love was so strong. During his five year illness, your radio broadcast encouraged me so much and helped to fill me each day with hope and perserverance. I praise God for your ministry and will continue to pray for you and your family. I look forward to the day when I will be reunited with my husband and we can spend eternity praising and worshipping our glorious Saviour. Thank you for all you do. In Him, Peg O’Donnell
April 1st, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Hello Pastor James!
I was browsing the Harvest website to see how things were going with your cancer treatments when I came across this blog. Many years ago that same letter you speak of was published in the local newspaper. I cut it out and stuck it in my Bible thinking I would need it for when my Mom passed. Little did I know I would need it when my husband died as well! And, then Jim and I became friends with “her” and her husband and they helped us through Jim’s difficult illness and passing! This is proof in how the Lord works through His people here on earth! I will continue to pray for you and Kathy. Please tell her hello for me! God bless you, James!
April 5th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Thank you for this post. :0) My brother-in-law passed away about 3 weeks ago, and this post brought joy and peace to my heart. I can’t wait to go home and be with Him someday!
April 5th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
HEAVENLY FATHER, YOU ARE FAITHFUL & BLESS YOUR CHILDREN BEYOND OUR KNOWING, WE PRAISE YOUR HOLY NAME, JESUS AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE DONE AND ARE DOING FOR EACH OF US HEAVENWARD. MAY THE FULLNESS OF YOUR PROMISES BE MADE KNOWN TO EACH OF OUR HEARTS’MOMENT BY MOMENT AS WE DRAW EVER CLOSER HOME TO YOU… IN YOUR NAME JESUS I PRAY… AMEN.
April 21st, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Pastor,
I came across this letter today and all I can say is what a blessing! My wife went home to be with the Lord 18 months ago. I haven’t “lost” her in any sense and I know we’ll see each other again. This time without the trach and respirator, feeding tube and machine, hospital bed and wheelchair. She will be up and moving around!! Praise God! This letter will be passed on to my mother-in-law. She was also a caregiver to my wife and has had a particularly rough time. I know this will help.
September 13th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Pastor,
What a wonderful letter you wrote to this lady. If I were her (in her situation) this would have brought much comfort to my heart. God bless you Pastor James. God bless you.