Some People Should Not be Allowed to Walk
OK, this is just for fun 
In an effort to greatly improve the common good I am proposing that no one be allowed to drive a car until they have successfully held a ‘walking license’ for at least two years with no tickets. Fact is there are a lot of people who just don’t know how to put one foot in front of the other in public. They break every possible traffic rule in the simple task of strolling. I find it very scary to think that these same people are licensed for the much more difficult task of navigating a motor vehicle at speeds up to 70 mph. Pitiful problematic pedestrians are best observed where people gather to get somewhere on foot, like on Michigan Avenue, or at the local mall, or worst of all, dun, dun, dun dun (jaws music) at the AIRPORT!!!  Have you run into these oblivious amblers? (literally? )
- Double Wide and Double Slow: I am not as slim as I used to be and I have true compassion for people who struggle with their weight. I also know that something comforting to eat can calm the stress of getting to your gate on time, but that is NO excuse for three or four people stuffing their face in slow motion as they lolly gag down the terminal arm in arm at a pace that won’t get them to F3 by tomorrow. EXCUSE ME could you PULL OVER PLEASE!!!
- Jolly ol’ England eh chap? I know I know,  there are gates on both sides of the terminal, but when you must join the teaming throng going to their gate or to the baggage claim or to the bathroom or whatever, could you PLEASE walk on the right side, which in North America is the right side, as in the correct side which happens to be the right side here on the best side of the ‘pond.’ I just will never get the guy knifing through the masses arching and twisting upstream like a salmon late to the spawning party. Walk on the right could you, or I guess at Heathrow, walk on the left, hello? hello? there’s a reason you keep running slamming into us! We are right, walking on the right, you are wrong walking into all of us as you go against the flow. Just like in real life “leftists” are a danger to the common good.
- She’ll be coming round the mountain when she comes; The other day I was in a hotel lobby walking briskly but not nearly running. I’ll tell you who was running (until she was falling) was the little maid that couldn’t have weighed more than 100 lbs. I think she must have been from the UK too because she came around the corner at high speeds tight to the wall on the wrong side of the pedestrian highway. BAAAMMMM!!!! I am not sure what she was carrying because none of them landed close enough to us to be able to see what they were. I did not, could not, have seen her coming, and really never saw the whites of her eyes til she was looking up at the ceiling.  The worst was that as I helped her up, she seemed incredibly clueless about why she had just been in a crash. I pray to God she does not drive her car like that, or she is headed for a permanent dirt nap real soon. If the police could be called on this one, she would be getting the ticket and her insurance would be paying 100%. Hope I never meet her on a mountain road!
- What are you Blind? Back in college a buddy of mine had an unfortunate run in while racing to a college class. Speeding down the crowded hall way, books in hand, a man stepped out suddenly from the wall he had been leaning against and was flattened by my friend. Angry and tardier by the second he scooped up his scattered papers and let a scathing sarcasm slip from his lips. “What are you blind or something?”  Of course only in that instant did he notice the poor man was holding a white cane.Â
 Ouch, Ouch for everyone!!! Now that is the only circumstance where a person can justify stepping out into oncoming traffic with not so much as a signal of their intent. If cars did what people do when merging into a busy lane, there would be a pile up on every street corner.  If your blind, hold out your white cane and we will be happy to help you navigate. And if your not . . . ? How about no more aimless ambling into a sea of striders with your pull cart and then reacting like Mike Tyson at a press conference, “why is everyone looking at me?” Ummmm, because you make us!
- I Took the Road Less Traveled: OK, I understand that some people ‘dance to a different drummer’ and that is fine if you go for a stroll in a field in the back forty of your father’s farm. But seriously, these people who angle and wobble, and wander back and forth like Tami Faye on Larry King. Hey, take any road you want to and head for whatever destination suits you, but in a crowded context how about walking in a straight line. And while we are on that topic, how about covering the turf at a consistent pace too. I’m sure the guy who races by me on the highway and then decelerates to half the minimum speed after swerving in front of me, is making that same pathetic move in pedestrian land. (Siren sound) “may I see your license please, do you know why I stopped you? do you know how fast you were going?” Answers = “I don’t have one, and “no”, “no!”
OK, so I vote we take just one or two billion of the stimulus package and employ all college students from all campuses everywhere this summer as pedestrian police. Two tickets, and you lose your drivers license; that will save alot of lives, four tickets and you are not allowed to walk anymore! Two years of crawling, will teach you to pay attention.  Until then, yeah,  your just not a safe person.Â
Categorized as: From James, Fun
